The Writings on the Wall

I've been operating in stealth since about April. Silently making moves. Consciously choosing not to speak until I'm ready. Ironically this called in my invitation from Syracuse Toastmasters. Before the pandemic, I was preparing my Public Speaking pursuit. When I realized it wasn't going to happen when I wanted it to, I became depressed. Feeling hopeless, lost, confused. Unfortunately my impatience didn't help this matter. However, finally after weeks, and now months of preparation, my Team and I have come to an agreement on how we are going to move forward, and which projects will be taking the lead for the coming months. Below is a list of projects and hobbies I've worked on that helped me survive, loneliness, depression, and pandemic hopelessness. I hope this resonates with you if you are feeling or have felt similar.  Gardening I planted tomato seeds and put them on my windowsil. It was easy, and I watch them grow everyday, reminding me - just because you can

 My Parents told me not to play outside,          and I did it anyway My Parents told me not to sing the national-anthem at the high school basketball game,          and I did it anyway My parents told me not to divorce the sorry loser,          and I did it anyway My parents told me not to go to University,          and I did it anyway My parents told me not to start the business,          and I did it anyway My parents told me not to learn to play the instruments,          and I did it anyway My parents told me not to paint the portraits,         and I did it anyway My parents told me not to become a millionaire,           and I did it anyway My parents told me to get the vaccine,          and I didn't     Why would I listen to them anyway?

As a Womxn of many talents, I find that it's really challenging for me to pull an idea ball out of the sky and pick one to take action on. Fortunately, after yet another battle with an illness that I can't explain I've had a multitude of time to reflect on what I want during this lifetime. What I truly want. Of course, my first few days all I thought of was how sick and tired I am of remaining single. Then I got mad. It always happens this way for me, misery->rage->new level of enlightenment->blessing. My mission on earth is grand. I've known this for many years, since I was a child really. But, what I never understood - was why am I so attached to Love? True Romance, not the kind where you meet someone and eat turkey sandwiches together and go to basketball games. Get out of here. I'm talking True Love, Rose and Jack.  I have spent countless hours listening to Hymn to the Sea over and over and over again. Crying into my wine glass. Staring aimlessly out my