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Survival for Empaths

I've been operating in stealth since about April. Silently making moves. Consciously choosing not to speak until I'm ready. Ironically this called in my invitation from Syracuse Toastmasters. Before the pandemic, I was preparing my Public Speaking pursuit. When I realized it wasn't going to happen when I wanted it to, I became depressed. Feeling hopeless, lost, confused. Unfortunately my impatience didn't help this matter. However, finally after weeks, and now months of preparation, my Team and I have come to an agreement on how we are going to move forward, and which projects will be taking the lead for the coming months. Below is a list of projects and hobbies I've worked on that helped me survive, loneliness, depression, and pandemic hopelessness. I hope this resonates with you if you are feeling or have felt similar. 

  • Gardening
    • I planted tomato seeds and put them on my windowsil. It was easy, and I watch them grow everyday, reminding me - just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there.
    • I planted Kings Blood tulips in my Side Yard Garden in my most glamorous hot red night gown after a long luxurious Rose Petal bath in my claw tub. It felt empowering, spiritual, and sexy
  • Music
    • I created new playlists and listened to new sounds and classic old bayou music that made me feel more at ease and at home
    • I learned (re-learned) how to read and write sheet music, I worked with an online instructor. This was essential during the cold miserable Winter months when I felt stuck inside
    • I learned (re-learned) how to play piano and acoustic guitar, with online instructors
    • I sang as often as possible. I was a solo singer as a kid, this always makes me feel better and it's spiritual AF
  •  Sport
    • This is the highlight of my Winter! I taught MySELF how to X-Country Ski! I have been trying to learn and looking for teachers for almost 2 years before 2020. Finally I got fed up and watched a few YouTube tutorials and got started. Once I was up I was out, flying through my neighbors back yard
  • Career
    • I joined relevant MeetUp groups that I haven't attended yet. I found the online ones, and then I found Cybersecurity/Hacker groups. It kept me fed for a bit, but the online meetings didn't keep my attention very long. 
    • I was invited to speak at several Hackathons (public speaking YAS), and at college campuses around the U.S. on Cybersecurity Job Hunting, and started working on a project to educate and empower young women in Cyber
    • I taught myself Kali Linux
    • I read the books, listened to the podcasts, and watched (very few) YouTube videos.
    • Doing these things made me feel more connected to myself, and it was a gift to allow myself to use my brain and face new challenges
  • Film
    • I composed a list of my favorite films, and why I like them. From there, I chose similar movies and created watchlists every day so that when I got bored, and/or had to rest (not my favorite) I would have something ready on deck to keep my mind entertained
    • My favorite Movies: High Society (1956), anything by V.C. Andrews, Practical Magic
    • My favorite TV: Letterkenny, Better THings 
  • Self Care
    • I took a long, hot, bubble bath almost every night! Especially in the cold months, infused with Rose Petals from my grocery-roses, epsom salts, bath bubbles, and essential oils
    • I would look out at my bay window with candles lit. I would turn off the lights and light every single candle that I owned. I played soft gentle music. This was my best discovery since the pandemic. Before, I would have never been pulled to my small powder room off the dining room which overlooks the side yard, where you will find my garden. đŸ’—

I have ADHD. The last D doesn't count though, I don't see it as a disorder, I see it as a gift. A sensitive gift which if left unmanaged will completely drive me into the wall. It was hard for me to feel forced to sit around in my house for the last 6 months. I will never let this happen to me again. Going forward, and after working with several people, I've decided that next winter, whether we have a pandemic or not, I will be outside. Which is why I'm getting ready to purchase an igloo. And no, I'm not kidding. A fire pit friendly, sky lit, stargaze ready igloo. I am so excited for this. I do my best work when I'm grounded, and as a Heyoka Empath, Highly Sensitive Being, Taurus Moon, Capricorn Rising, I am fully aware of what I need to get grounded. I need to be outside. Playing piano with my bare feet in the dirt. Sitting under a sunlit tree playing guitar. Reading in my garden. Channeling with the faries and Archangels. This is where I will be, doing the things I love.

 

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