Skip to main content

What is Missing?

As I sit here with my perfect mocha-colored coffee in my Boss B*tch mug, catching up on emails from the previous week which I've spent networking and leveling up for my new career as a Public Speaker, I can't help but think how sad I am. I thought this would go away, but it feels like something is missing. Still recovering from my breakup, but it's not even about him. It's something deeper. I don't know what it is, and nothing drives me crazier than not knowing something. 

I walked my son to school this morning under the golden sun. I noticed how it kissed the green leaves of the trees and bushes. My son asked repeatedly why we had to walk, uninterested in my explanation about how nature heals us and walking is good for the body. I watched the other moms & dads drop off their kids and start their day. Everyone here is kind. Ironically, moving to a small town in the middle of nowhere after growing up in the suburbs, I find that I feel safe here. I really missed home last weed amidst the loudness and chitter chatter at the conference. 

I love people, and I love helping them, but why do I feel so lonely? What is missing?

Popular posts from this blog

Anxiety is what happens when you feel like you've lost control of everything; but that’s only a feeling, and you can make it go away by taking that control back

Anxiety is what happens when you feel like you've lost control of everything; but that’s only a feeling, and you can make it go away by taking that control back. How? Control the things you can control. M y ex had me going insane. Constantly cancelling on his visitations with our son, cherry picking when he would see him, etc. And people at work kept pinging me asking ‘When.’ I had orders coming in for Amazon because I bought them when I was feeling anxious, but when they got to the house I became even more anxious because I forgot why I bought them. I haven’t made enough time in my day to sit down and go through my to-do list. This makes me crazy. I would end up with a million items on the list, but never mark them complete. I was so anxious at the lake that I couldn’t feel my legs, I collapsed.    There were external factors- the ragweed in the air fucks with my allergies. I only feel this way in September . I feel like I Can’t breathe – I took the Benadryl to make
Post a Comment
Read more

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

So in good news there was a New Moon last night! Which perfectly aligns with what I want from the universe going forward. I have everything I need in my life except for one thing, I'm ready to receive it. Better yet, according to a YouTube video I watched yesterday - everything we do 3 days before and 3 days after the New Moon will set the tone for the future. How ironic is it that this falls right within alignment of my Text-Messaging detox. To sum it up, I hate texting, as I mention below. I like this break from it so much that I don't know if I'll ever willingly go back to it. I'm very busy with other things. I realized that freeing myself from my phone/texts actually gives me more time during the day to get shit done and less time to spend freaking out about not having enough time. The texting is a distraction - even if I'm using it to make business plans. I don't know why it's only texting for me, not social media, not email, nothing but texts. Anyway
1 comment
Read more

Slowing Down Can Help Avoid Creating a Disaster - Rage

Every decision you make could be made from either somewhere in the knee- jerk realm of your unconscious or with the unmitigated, laser-focused precision of the present moment. Yes. Every. Single. Decision. I’m talking about from the pants you choose, to the socks you select, to the choice to sit or stand while putting that stuff on. Yes, you even have the option to greet the mail lady who is delivering yet a certified letter from the Tax Man in full-on, bat-shit rage mode or not. I understand, full-on, bat-shit rage mode doesn’t feel like a choice. But I have learned, or rather with effort, retrained my knowing that I can choose. As I said in my last article (thank you, Community, for your encouragement BTW!), when I have hit my limit of victim thinking that I am at the mercy of assholes, I realize I am not at mercy of anyone! I am only making the choice to listen to the voice of anxiety and not the grounded one of my empowered self. This means that no one, not my boss, not the
Post a Comment
Read more