Learning how to navigate ones mind is exhausting, tricky, challenging, painful, and best of all - rewarding. I haven't had a sleepless night in weeks. Apparently reading books cover to cover is actually as exhausting as it seems. I'm not sure why I've been fearful to open up my mind. I had to do a lot of work in other areas of my life. I realized back in December that something about my actual thought process had to change. It never had anything to do with anything that I learned how to do. It has always been about deeper understanding.
I once entertained the thought of becoming an Aeronautical Engineer. I loved being an SE for a local company and being responsible for ground communication between the radar systems and the aircraft just wasn't enough. I was hungry to know how the plane flew. I still wonder, and I have gravitated towards physics with an uncanny thirst for knowledge. It's just not enough for me anymore to only understand what's on the surface, I'm interested in what's under the hood. One thing has never changed - I never stop until I get the answer. Even then, I triple check to make sure the answer is right.
I don't know why I do the latter. I often ask questions that I already know the answer to. Perhaps after all of these years I've gotten used to second-guessing. Again, I don't know why. I remember when I was selected as the first female candidate to receive an invitation to Cisco's CALO CO-Op program. It was a big deal to help make Syracuse University stand out amongst other technical competitors, RIT, RPI, MIT. While I was super stoked to take on this opportunity - I remember, this is when things changed. My male counterparts weren't thrilled to see me earn my spot. In fact, most of them openly told me they thought I couldn't do it. Even an occasional female peer would stand up in class and say "how does she know anything."
The way that I carry myself. The way that I look. I've never tried to fit in before, I never cared. In fact, I have always wanted to look like a Victoria's Secret Model. Knowledge came natural to me, but that dream body always seemed unachievable - that's what I was worried about. Meanwhile, I unfortunately received negative attention from peers and other engineers. Why? Because I am different.
On the bright side, I can say now that I did try to fit in. I wore the fancy watch, drove the BMW, maintained a wardrobe strictly of blazers and slacks, always managed an 80$ haircut. But on the inside, I never felt complete.
I used to feel complete when I put my hair up in a bun on top of my head in the lab and went to work on STP, or VTP, or PVDM upgrades, hot swapping, changing modules, managing chassis, racking, mounting, deploying scripts, creating my own VPN configs (so I didn't have to come into the office). And then I grew once more - I taught myself Network Security, with the help of a few good friends of course. It took only one person to believe in me, and I knew I was passionate and wanted to learn everything. I became a Palo Alto, Fortinet, Cisco, Juniper, and Checkpoint SME - in under a year.
But the current challenge, obtaining my CISSP - this is by far the scariest thing I have ever done. Especially considering that I've failed it once after a year of prep. I am learning through applying that same fearless prep that I did all of those years ago. Reading the books, without immediate reward. Reminding myself that I truly love this field and the idea of using my talent to protect individuals, and ultimately children. The thought of putting 'Dr.' before my name.
A thought that just came to mind was the InfoSec Assessment I had to take in June just to be considered for a job. Of course, I didn't want to do it. But I challenged myself. The questions were almost identical to the questions on the exam, especially the way they are asked. What is the BEST way to solve this problem; then all of the answers are correct.
I thought a little deeper this time though. Instead of thinking about what I read in the book, I thought about what I have done on the job. I remember being responsible if a system experienced a breach, handling the next steps, freezes, migrations, deployments, architectural design. Although it doesn't seem that way now, because I'm not doing it every day. The knowledge is still there. I answered the questions as if it were real-life.
In under 25 minutes I received a call after completing the test. The recruiter was ecstatic and told me I scored very well. I was shocked, and excited. It's been a while since I've been told that. Always trust your instincts, go with the gut feeling, combine logic with reason, and follow through to the end. (Even if halfway through you damn the test to hell and decide a workout would be better). I can do this.
I once entertained the thought of becoming an Aeronautical Engineer. I loved being an SE for a local company and being responsible for ground communication between the radar systems and the aircraft just wasn't enough. I was hungry to know how the plane flew. I still wonder, and I have gravitated towards physics with an uncanny thirst for knowledge. It's just not enough for me anymore to only understand what's on the surface, I'm interested in what's under the hood. One thing has never changed - I never stop until I get the answer. Even then, I triple check to make sure the answer is right.
I don't know why I do the latter. I often ask questions that I already know the answer to. Perhaps after all of these years I've gotten used to second-guessing. Again, I don't know why. I remember when I was selected as the first female candidate to receive an invitation to Cisco's CALO CO-Op program. It was a big deal to help make Syracuse University stand out amongst other technical competitors, RIT, RPI, MIT. While I was super stoked to take on this opportunity - I remember, this is when things changed. My male counterparts weren't thrilled to see me earn my spot. In fact, most of them openly told me they thought I couldn't do it. Even an occasional female peer would stand up in class and say "how does she know anything."
The way that I carry myself. The way that I look. I've never tried to fit in before, I never cared. In fact, I have always wanted to look like a Victoria's Secret Model. Knowledge came natural to me, but that dream body always seemed unachievable - that's what I was worried about. Meanwhile, I unfortunately received negative attention from peers and other engineers. Why? Because I am different.
On the bright side, I can say now that I did try to fit in. I wore the fancy watch, drove the BMW, maintained a wardrobe strictly of blazers and slacks, always managed an 80$ haircut. But on the inside, I never felt complete.
I used to feel complete when I put my hair up in a bun on top of my head in the lab and went to work on STP, or VTP, or PVDM upgrades, hot swapping, changing modules, managing chassis, racking, mounting, deploying scripts, creating my own VPN configs (so I didn't have to come into the office). And then I grew once more - I taught myself Network Security, with the help of a few good friends of course. It took only one person to believe in me, and I knew I was passionate and wanted to learn everything. I became a Palo Alto, Fortinet, Cisco, Juniper, and Checkpoint SME - in under a year.
But the current challenge, obtaining my CISSP - this is by far the scariest thing I have ever done. Especially considering that I've failed it once after a year of prep. I am learning through applying that same fearless prep that I did all of those years ago. Reading the books, without immediate reward. Reminding myself that I truly love this field and the idea of using my talent to protect individuals, and ultimately children. The thought of putting 'Dr.' before my name.
A thought that just came to mind was the InfoSec Assessment I had to take in June just to be considered for a job. Of course, I didn't want to do it. But I challenged myself. The questions were almost identical to the questions on the exam, especially the way they are asked. What is the BEST way to solve this problem; then all of the answers are correct.
I thought a little deeper this time though. Instead of thinking about what I read in the book, I thought about what I have done on the job. I remember being responsible if a system experienced a breach, handling the next steps, freezes, migrations, deployments, architectural design. Although it doesn't seem that way now, because I'm not doing it every day. The knowledge is still there. I answered the questions as if it were real-life.
In under 25 minutes I received a call after completing the test. The recruiter was ecstatic and told me I scored very well. I was shocked, and excited. It's been a while since I've been told that. Always trust your instincts, go with the gut feeling, combine logic with reason, and follow through to the end. (Even if halfway through you damn the test to hell and decide a workout would be better). I can do this.
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