If Nothing Goes Right, Go Left

Literally I cannot wait. I took the step. With both knees having undergone surgery and a will that I cannot seem to suppress. No matter how much cardio or strength I do, nothing compares to the thrill I feel of playing soccer. After literally just trapping and passing at PT, I felt an urge to hurry up and get back out there. I have nothing left to fear. I ran today, for the first time since 2015. It was frightening but after the first step I just slid right into it. I also had a dream about me sliding into a goal a few months ago. Can't wait to get started! I've found my match!

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What My Parents Told Me

My Parents told me not to play outside, and I did it anyway My Parents told me not to sing the national-anthem at the high school basketball game, and I did it anyway My parents told me not to divorce the sorry loser, and I did it anyway My parents told me not to go to University, and I did it anyway My parents told me not to start the business, and I did it anyway My parents told me not to learn to play the instruments, and I did it anyway My parents told me not to paint the portraits, and I did it anyway My parents told me not to become a millionaire, and I did it anyway My parents told me to get the vaccine, and I didn't ...

Have You Ever Had A Panic Attack?

Imagine being alone. Knowing that you are on your own, and nobody is going to help you. Imagine, having a child to raise alone, a hyper active 5 year old boy, who you can never seem to calm down, and for whom you still resent his father for leaving you two alone to deal with life. Imagine, trouble catching your breath when you're standing in your own kitchen, gasping for air as you smear butter on your son's toast, hands shaking, feeling weak at the knees, as if you are going to die, or at least pass out at any second. Your son runs around in the background, yelling playfully, and the more you try to hide what is happening, the more you scare yourself. You try not to think about it, because you know if you acknowledge it - it will get worse. Once again, you find yourself with little income, working just one job because you needed a break from all of the others, and now the company that hired you and took you away from your consulting work, that made big promises to you in excha...

Feel the night air in Perfect darkness babe

I was finally able to sleep. Water + Music are my salvation. Who knew there was something better than alcohol. And, I woke up at 10 without a hangover, that's pretty cool. I give last night a 7/10. To get those last 3 points up I would like to sleep through 1-3AM. My favorite song today is ' Perfect Darkness ' by Fink. I looked up the lyrics because it is literally so good at grounding me. "Keep those brown eyes wide open for a for this moment we own for now. And everything we gonna do we do it. See the black clouds fall out of fear Feel it rise up in perfect darkness. Perfect darkness is all I can see. Deep water stay under. See it rolling over you head and just roll with it until it's all good yeah. Deep water a little deeper then you thought feel it going over the edge and just go with it until it's all good yeah. Compass points out in all directions. From this moment we over now . With everything we do we gonna do it . And everything we do...

The Writings on the Wall

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