Deep down I really want to change the world; it's something I mean when I say it
I finally slept you guys omg! 10 to 5. I'm so proud of myself. Embracing the storm. Another day down, another panic attack down, another trip to the gym down, another negative thought put away down. My epiphany from yesterday was that I have been through a lot of shit and I have not given myself the time to reflect and feel that. I got to the point that 1000 things piled up and I couldn't handle the stress anymore. The irony is that the problems are all out of my control. My dad getting sick, my 'job' situation, my son growing up, my div
orce settling, settling period. I have no control over any of these things, and during the course of my divorce I got very good at suppressing my emotions. Too good honestly, to the point that there were times I knew I was supposed to cry but the warrior in me wouldn't let me. I'm embracing the sadness now. It's nice to know that I'm still human, still a free spirit, still know how to be happy, to smile and laugh. Even if it's at the thought of my brother dancing to the 5th dimension...lol this thought always brings me joy.
I'm trying to do something very big with my life. I'm trying to change the world. Big dreams are a wonderful thing to have. However, for those of us struggling with stress and anxiety we have to remember to breathe. I can dream of my certs and my business and I see success. Visionary. But the current struggle is to stop during those thoughts and take a breath. Change is good. When my time comes I want to have done all of the things I've dreamt about. The saddest thing in life is wasted talent. I know I'm capable of achieving anything I set my heart on, so there's no need to overthink it.
Every decision you make could be made from either somewhere in the knee- jerk realm of your unconscious or with the unmitigated, laser-focused precision of the present moment. Yes. Every. Single. Decision. I’m talking about from the pants you choose, to the socks you select, to the choice to sit or stand while putting that stuff on. Yes, you even have the option to greet the mail lady who is delivering yet a certified letter from the Tax Man in full-on, bat-shit rage mode or not. I understand, full-on, bat-shit rage mode doesn’t feel like a choice. But I have learned, or rather with effort, retrained my knowing that I can choose. As I said in my last article (thank you, Community, for your encouragement BTW!), when I have hit my limit of victim thinking that I am at the mercy of assholes, I realize I am not at mercy of anyone! I am only making the choice to listen to the voice of anxiety and not the grounded one of my empowered self. This means that no one, not my boss, not the...
Anxiety is what happens when you feel like you've lost control of everything; but that’s only a feeling, and you can make it go away by taking that control back. How? Control the things you can control. M y ex had me going insane. Constantly cancelling on his visitations with our son, cherry picking when he would see him, etc. And people at work kept pinging me asking ‘When.’ I had orders coming in for Amazon because I bought them when I was feeling anxious, but when they got to the house I became even more anxious because I forgot why I bought them. I haven’t made enough time in my day to sit down and go through my to-do list. This makes me crazy. I would end up with a million items on the list, but never mark them complete. I was so anxious at the lake that I couldn’t feel my legs, I collapsed. There were external factors- the ragweed in the air fucks with my allergies. I only feel this way in September . I feel like I Can’t breathe – I took the Benadryl to...
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