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Conciousness

Most days I don't know where to begin, but I embrace it. It is when my mind is still and completely clear that my best thoughts and ideas flow. It is also during those times that I am able to understand the components I question. When something doesn't work, I'll play with it for a little bit - but then I get up, walk away and do something else. Then it comes to me. With allergy season in full effect it is a little bit harder to still my mind, as breathing and bellybutton to spine are the techniques I use to stay calm.
I woke up angry today, and I changed my mood on my own. I thought about what I was irritated about. My baby was sick last night, and I was having the hardest time staying strong. It took a lot for me to finally cry. And to literally have a discussion with God and the Universe about why I must face the challenges in my life. Why did I decide to get divorced? Was the grass really greener on the other side? Having to nurture a sick child who is literally spewing from both ends all over me, knowing I don't have a partner to tag out and take a break. Sobriety makes it harder too. I drank last night. I need to spend more time meditating throughout my day. Ujjiyay is becoming easier.

I cannot wait to get on that plane tonight, and step away from my reality. I deserve a break. I deserve a vacation. I deserve to rest. I know that I am sent challenges because I am a warrior, and I know that I will break through and reap the benefits soon. But it is not by any means easy. I used to envy other people. I used to want a more simple life, to not dream so big. But the more I deny myself my truth, my dreams, the more I'm overridden with anxiety, fear, angst, anger, etc. So as hard as it is, I must stick to it. I won't be a single mom forever, my business will continue to grow, I will finally purchase the properties I want, and I will prosper.

That being said, when I feel the moments of anger and irritation, I can guide my thoughts back to the vision. The vision of my family and I on a charter somewhere off the coastline. I don't know which one yet. The only thing I do know is that my visions always come true.

I have evolved into the 'witness' of my thoughts. #warriormentality I recommend Mark Divine's book Unbeatable Mind to anyone who is ready to take the next step in any aspect of their life. Career, family, etc. It takes great strength for me to do this work; but one thing is for sure...it's working.


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